I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
