so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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