I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
