so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
