What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
