I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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