Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize