We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
