he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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