So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
