no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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