I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
