M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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