Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
