What a fucking waste of an outfit
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
