it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
