Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
