Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
