the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
