but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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