how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
