we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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