I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
