We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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