it was like his penis was on wheels.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize