if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
