I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
