Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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