I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
