the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
