I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
