Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
