They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize