hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
