she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
