he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
