I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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