my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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