There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
