i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
