Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
