I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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