my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
