I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
