Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
