I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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