After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
