There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
