omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
