I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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