I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize