How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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