We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
