Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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