I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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