flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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