# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize