I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize