I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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