i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
