he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My pussy is not your playground.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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