Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
