He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
