I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize