EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dicks are not precious.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
