WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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