Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
