Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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