wrigley field is MILF paradise
too bad you live with your parents still
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
