If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
