They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
