I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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