i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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