You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
