ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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