Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So squirting runs in the family.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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