You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
