This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
