if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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